Learning Self-Confidence: 6 Tips to Believe in Yourself Again

First of all, self-confidence means trusting yourself and your own abilities. People who have healthy self-confidence can face challenges, feel less insecure, have a positive image of themselves and believe in being able to cope well with everyday life and tasks. However, self-esteem can be influenced by experiences and adventures. In order to then relearn self-confidence, it is above all necessary to process the feelings, beliefs and experiences that have arisen in the past and to replace negative beliefs with positive ones. Julia Cremasco tells us which exercises we can use to strengthen our self-confidence .

Thursday afternoon, 5 p.m. A client sits crying in my practice. As part of her commercial training, she received an evaluation of her performance when she changed departments, which weighs on her. The evaluation says: "Ms. S. should trust her skills and knowledge more." My client feels caught. Her instructor has noticed that she lacks self-confidence. The fact that he also noticed her skills and knowledge is of secondary importance to her.

Symptoms of lack of self-confidence

Lisa suffers from her lack of self-confidence. This is typical for her:

 - Concerns about the future

 - Memories of failures and mistakes

 - Inner images of things going badly

 - Thoughts of future failure and coming disasters

 - Physical sensations: palpitations, dry mouth, red spots on the face and neck, nervousness in the stomach

Many people experience what she experiences every day in different contexts and find themselves in the self-confidence gap: "I can't achieve my goal or be what I would like to be as long as I don't strengthen my self-confidence."

What are the consequences of a lack of self-confidence?

The confidence gap described above is treacherous, because if you think like this, you get caught in a vicious circle. Conversely, it is correct: It is important to take the fear and uncertainty by the hand and take action. The self-confidence (feeling) follows. Those who lack self-confidence live past their own values ​​and do not allow themselves to live the life that suits him or her. When you answer the question " Am I living the life that suits me ?" answer with "No", then it's about time! Dealing with your own values ​​is elementary - and should be done step by step.

Achieve goals with more confidence

Recognizing your own values ​​is important, because this is where personal goals come from. And to achieve your goal, you need confidence. Self-confidence is therefore always earmarked. We don't want self-confidence for its own sake, but because we want to achieve a goal with it.

Ask yourself:

 - What would be different if you had confidence?

 - How would you act?

 - What would you finish?

 - What goals would you pursue?

What do people with high self-confidence do differently?

People with high self-confidence know their goals and don't let all their thoughts get in their way, especially the negative ones. They act anyway instead of merging with the thoughts. They take their fears into their own hands. High self-confidence does not equate to the absence of fear. Rather, it is about dealing with fear differently. While the mind sends a myriad of reasons why something can fail, what obstacles lie in the way, how little talent we have compared to others, and how terrible the results could be, confident people find ways to achieve their goals. This cannot be overcome by thinking alone, but through activity. 

What are the building blocks of healthy self-confidence?

In order to build and live a healthy self-confidence, four things are required:

 - You identify (and use) helpful thoughts while keeping unhelpful thoughts at bay.

 - You know your values ​​and needs and derive suitable goals.

 - You come into active action mindfully - against the background of your goals.

 - You practice what you need to achieve your goals. I am thinking here of necessary skills and abilities . You use this over and over again. Periods of reflection help you to check if you want to modify something.

Strengthen self-confidence through active action

In fact, for self-confidence we need action first. Getting started – the feeling develops through action. Confidence is always an act of commitment and trust. A mindful focus in action can be observed in people with high self-confidence. They are very involved in what they are doing and are very present - whether it is playing a sport, a business meeting or building sandcastles with the child. People with high self-confidence are able to pay attention to tasks. You realize that negative thoughts about failure are not helpful for a specific task.

Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-confidence, self-acceptance - all the same?

Same, same but different? No, the terms are far from standing for one and the same phenomenon. For me, self-esteem represents the overall construct, which is made up of self-confidence and self-acceptance as well as social skills. I see self-confidence here as a synonym for self-esteem, it expresses that I am aware of myself and my worth as a living being. Self-acceptance allows me to accept myself in my current state of being and not only accept the aspects of myself that are great, but also those that I don't enjoy. There are even people who say that high self-esteem is not good at all as it correlates with selfishness and narcissism and these people are prone to discrimination and prejudice. 

6 tips to boost your self-confidence

With a few tips and exercises, you can learn to boost your self-confidence and access your inner strength.

Tip 1: Future Me

Make a "Future Me" list: What would you be like or what would you do if you had confidence? really do it Just thinking about it doesn't count.

Tip 2: Identify the cause

Identify the main reason for your low self-confidence. The reason is ALWAYS accompanied by a specific action. This is exactly where your journey is going - allow yourself to leave your comfort zone. Train this skill mindfully and curiously and make a (written!) contract with yourself: "If I want to get good at it, ......, then I have to ..... practice."

Tip 3: Question thoughts

Whenever the mind develops reasons not to do something, question the thought: Will allowing that thought to dictate my actions help me live the life I want?

Tip 4: Find the meta level

Mind sending you scathing judgments? "I'm a loser.", "I can't do it anyway." Detach yourself from the confusion with the thought by saying: "I realize that I have the thought of being a failure."

Tip 5: Let go of expectations

Say goodbye to all inflated expectations. 

Tip 6: Accept fear

Take your fear by the hand in moments of uncertainty. It is a valuable advisor, makes you awake and present and provides energy to take action.

As an expert in stress management, Julia Cremasco helps companies and individuals to find their individual way to more balance - for more personal quality of life, a stable corporate culture and appreciative communication. Online and offline in therapy, coaching, lectures and workshops.